An Unlikely Culprit

During the summer of 1967 in Evanston, Illinois, police found Mrs. Beulah Parker’s diamonds buried in her neighbor’s back yard. Mr. Fred Smith was taken into custody and spent two nights at the station, answering questions and denying wrongdoing.

Mr. Smith claimed to have no knowledge of Mrs. Parker’s precious gemstones and jewelry. As a successful banker, he argued, he saw no motive for the crime on his part. Officer Wright did not see it that way, and Mr. Parker spent a third night at the county lock-up.

The next morning, Mrs. Parker arrived as soon as the station doors were unlocked.

“You’ve got the wrong man! Mr. Parker did not steal my diamonds,” she cried as she unfastened the clasp on her purse.

A brown squirrel clambered out of her handbag and took off across the booking desk. Wright and his officers spent the next two hours apprehending the squirrel.

Afterwards, Mrs. Parker explained. Her dressing table was next to her bedroom window. Due to the heat, she had been leaving the window slightly open. Outside the window was a large, sprawling maple tree, which the squirrel used to gain access to the house.

“Just yesterday, I came out of the shower to find this little squirrel fumbling with one of my rings,” she proclaimed.

Officer Wright was suspicious at first, but Mrs. Parker’s husband added his testimony as an eye witness. With that, Mr. Smith was released, Officer Wright closed the case, and Mrs. Parker recovered all of her jewelry.

The Puncture of Immortality

The Incans widely believed ingesting amethyst prolonged life and, in sufficient quantities, could make a man immortal. This belief fell out of favor after miners began dying due to internal bleeding caused by lacerations in their intestines from consuming raw amethyst ore.

Once Upon a Time: Dreamy

So, after skipping a week, “Once Upon a Time” returns once again. This week, we learn that Grumpy the dwarf was once a starry-eyed dwarf named Dreamy and that Leroy is a disgruntled janitor with a questionable approach to charity. Also this week, Emma does some real police work and investigates Kathryn’s disappearance.

The fairies discuss job prospects and their equally silly outfits.

The fairies discuss job prospects and their equally silly outfits.

Spoilers, but who cares anymore?

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Once Upon a Time: What Happened To Frederick

This week Once Upon a Time redeems itself with a relatively comprehensible episode devoid of misplaced evil plots and Rumpelstiltskin. Can I get a “Hallelujah”? Instead, Mary Margaret and David decide to come clean to Kathryn about their affair, but it is never that easy. Not because it’s wrong that they had an affair, but only because David is a schmuck who is incapable of telling the truth to either woman.

David, don't look so offended. You're a schmuck.

David, don't look so offended. You're a schmuck.

Here there be spoilers!

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Once Upon a Time: Skin Deep

After a short break, “Once Upon a Time” returned with a new twist on an old story, again. Rumpelstiltskin is the beast. Yep. I must admit, I couldn’t get into this episode.

Rumpelstiltskin is offended I didn't love this episode.

Rumpelstiltskin is offended!

Spoilers, but who cares anymore?

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